Tuesday, August 08, 2006

SBC: Enclosed Spaces

The lifeless desert holds me captive. I seem to be enclosed in a wide open space. It is so hot, so dead, so dirty. While everyone else is outside playing in the summer, worshipping the sun, I stay indoors trapped under my own rooftop. How is one supposed to enjoy the summer (what used to be my favorite season) when all it seems to bring with it is sweat in every Orpheus? How may you suggest that I enjoy a dip in the pool, when the pool brings absolutely no refreshment as it has been warped by this lands devilish sun.

I ask myself- How can one be held captive in nature. Isn't it supposed to set me free? I long for a canopy of leaves and sponge soft grass. Even my dog feels the pressure of this heat, as I walk him to get the mail he bounds from one roofs shade to the next. I am trying to find love for this place, but at the end of each day I just feel stuck. Stuck inside. Clothes stuck to my hot body. Stuck wishing for something else, somewhere else. Stuck needing some fresh air. Stuck looking for the good in this place. Stuck living here for the rest of my life. Stuck to this hard earth, this ravenous desert that won't even let me sleep at night. Stuck rolling in the tumble weed blowing down my street! Please tell me how one feels closed in when I am in such a big beautiful world?

I guess we can't have it all. And I guess that just means that I need to work harder to find beauty around me. And I guess I will love every beautiful place even more when I am there, knowing that I will not always abide in those places. And I guess we do have some pretty sunsets here and there. And I guess maybe... Someday I will learn to love this land for what it offers. And I guess I do love the monsoons, and I cherish every drop of rain that I see. And I guess that maybe this land is really just teaching me how much I should love this earth for all that it gives- and I guess that maybe this sweet mother that I live on doesn't want me to feel so stuck.

3 Comments:

Blogger Tori said...

Krista! So glad to see you in the bloggy world!

I can so relate to this post as I live in the same valley of unsufferable heat. A big challenge I face is to keep the kids happy and cool while inside in the air conditioning. While we spend the first two months of summer in the pool, we spend the last month indoors watching movies, going to the science center, going on vacation, or staying at home playing games or reading. It is hard and people will try and tell you that summer is almost over, but the heat stays until Halloween. Sorry, my cute cousin. I often wish I was somewhere else too.

P.S. I need to come see that baby! He is adorable.

9:32 AM  
Blogger brittany said...

I know that in 5 months from now you will be loving it and I'll be saying, Oh, I can't wait til the sun comes out again!

I know you'll find beauty. You can see the details that others miss...

12:20 PM  
Blogger Abby said...

Welcome to the blog world! Love the pics. Love the lad's name. I understand the heat thing--it just about outweighs every positive about living in this place where I've been for so many years of my life...and that's very sad, I think. Hate the sticky, sweaty humidity. Blah!

10:56 PM  

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