Friday, September 22, 2006

Gift

"You have a gift that only you can give the world- that's the whole reason that you're on the planet. Use your precious energy to build a magnificent life that really is attainable. The miracle of your existence calls for celebration every day."
Oprah Winfrey

I need this posted up somewhere in my house. How come it is so hard to remember that you are a gift? I do have a precious energy. I think that I got it from my Mom. She has it too. And I do feel like I have used it to build a magnificent life- maybe not in the eyes of some people, but it is to me. "You are only 22?" They ask. Yes, and I am married with a child... at the tender age of 22, and I am happy about that. "Oh," they say, "Well what was your major in college?" Well I graduated from a trade school in interior design. "Oh, so is that even like a real degree?" Kind of. I try not to act annoyed at this moment. It was enough to start my own business with. "So who watches the baby while you work?" Nobody. I am not doing too much right now. Just things here and there that I fit in while he is napping. Any of you that I talk to know that those moments are few and far between! "Oh, I see..." What do you see exactly? Do you see failure? Do you see a girl who is one day bound to regret that she didn't ever really "LIVE"? Let me ask you, if this isn't "LIVING" what exactly is? What could be more alive than a fire between a man and a wife? What is more alive than love- A love that works every day. Love that at the end of a good or bad day can say, "I love you." If a child isn't "LIVING" please tell me, what could be more alive? Each breath, each smile, each laugh, each cry is alive in both of us. So do you see failure? Because I see no failure here.

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We may not all choose the same path, but we can all "build a magnificent life that really is attainable" in our own way that brings us joy."

I do think that I could be better about celebrating myself every day though. I think tomorrow I will bake a cake, simply to celebrate me! At least it's a good excuse to eat some cake!

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Night Owl

The other day when D and I were house sitting, one of the little girls went to put my baby down for a nap. When I went to get him after he had woken up, he was on his back, which is unusual because he will only sleep on his tummy. "It's a miracle!" I thought- "he actually slept on his back!" After another nap later that day I came to the realization that my little man had learned a new trick- he rolls over! "How Fun!" I was thinking. "This is so cute!" Watching him try to do it is so funny. He kicks his tiny chunky leg back and groans, 'OOOHHHHEEUU' with all his might and he finally makes it on to his side where sometimes gravity kicks in and helps him get onto his back, and sometimes he hasn't quite made it far enough and he ends up back where he started. Only to try try again. It is so funny to watch. I was so happy and excited.

Later that night I came to find out, much to my dismay, that this thing that I had thought was so cute and fun may actually send me into total sleep deprivation. That night I was up twice every hour helping my little groaning, whining, exhausted son back onto his belly because as we already knew- he won't sleep on his back. He is this little wiggly person with so much ambition- who knew a three month old could be ambitious?? So he rolls and rolls an rolls and I wake up time after time after time to help him back to the other side.

So we came home from house sitting and some things were waiting at my door that I had ordered from Old Navy. Among them were these cute jammies- camo with "NIGHT OWL" printed on them in orange. So fitting for the moment. So I put him in them and put the little guy down for what I hoped would be a more peaceful night than the one before. Needless to say, it wasn't. And here I am this grumpy old woman (when did I get so old?) waking up hour after hour thinking, "This boy may drive me insane." But how do you stay mad when you go in the room and there he is on his back giving you this little grin like, "Hey Mommy! I knew you would come! Look what I can do! Aren't I the cutest?"

Yes. Yes you are my little night owl.

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Friday, September 08, 2006

Sleep Child, Sleep

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I am starting to figure out how much we truly never change. How when you are too tired, it's even harder to fall asleep. How air in your tummy still hurts. How throwing up out of your nose can really scare a person (and sting too). How a lack of food in your belly makes a person grumpy. How bad dreams make you want to cry. How seeing people you love makes you smile. How sometmies you just need to be held by somebody. How it is not always easy to depend on someone else. How hard it is to learn something new. How hard old habits are to break. How taking a bath is relxing- you always feel better when you are clean.

I am starting to figure out how much we have truly forgotten. How lovely each new day is. How you should always be good to the people that mean the most to you. How if you are having a bad day it's still okay to let a smile out.

And don't you wish you could just tell them what you have learned over the years? You will feel so much better once the air is out of your belly. I know it's not easy to try this, but it will get easier. You can do it. They are just dreams, don't be scared. Sleep child, sleep.

And don't you just wish that they could tell us all that they have not forgotten? It's okay, it will all be okay. Smile, today is a gift. Love everybody- don't you see how easy it is? Sleep Mommy, sleep.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

What A Gal

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This picture just kills me. I was recently at home in California to go to a wedding and to visit my parents. After the wedding I stayed a while to help my ever collecting Mom to tidy up the closet space in her house. I have to say I had a lot of fun. It was just great to be able to trap her in the house and laugh with her. She was in utter dismay about getting rid of each Cabbage Patch Kid, and stuffed bunny. “I shouldn’t have watched Toy Story!” She said. Bad timing- she had happened to watch both 1 & 2 the weekend before with my sisters kids. I could see her heart break each time I told her, “Mom, that one is really gross, I wouldn’t let my baby play with that doll.” And we would place it in the big white bag. I don’t know how many times I had to explain that these dolls would go to other kids who would play with them and love them and that the dolls would have new happy lives- not sitting in the corner of my old bedroom. I am so glad that my Mother taught me that everything has a spirit. Whether doll, or tree, or book. They all enwrap life.

This picture kills me. As I cleaned, my mom was by my side. When I turned around to see what my baby was doing- this was how I found him. Grammy let him sit in the swing- all bundled up- surrounded by colorful fuzzy toys that I am sure she had stuck in his mouth before she placed them on his lap so he could know the taste and smell of each creature who would be joining him on his swing. What a woman. How can you not love her?

Things I never want to forget? “In your backyard? In your stomach? In your NOSE?”
Krista: “Do you want to see jean?”
Mom: “What is a see jean?”
Dad: “She was going to tell you about the C Gene- in the genetic code.”

SBC: With Someone

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This somebody is a piece of me. Not just figuratively but in utter physicality. He is my ultimate somebody. Made up of a little of Daddy and a little of Mommy and whole lot of Krew- he is my tiny man. I love this boy and he knows it. This boy loves me- I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. There is so much love in his face. He cries and doesn’t always sleep perfectly and he takes a lot of attention and work- but these are all things I have grown to love about him. My favorite time with him is in the early morning- a time that I used to dread. He makes funny faces that make me laugh. He is so animated, just like his Daddy. He has changed my life just as much as I have given him his. So this is love. I love myself with my someone.