Thursday, August 02, 2007

Moments

Today I finally stopped to take a moment with my Son. After busy errands and sweating from the movement of simply breathing I decided that we needed to just stop for a second and enjoy each other. We went to the good old Mesa Fro Yo where my darling boy and I sat to enjoy a cold treat and to just stop. It was such a bittersweet moment for me.

The sweetness was in the ice cream, it was in the look on his face as we just sat and smiled at each other, it was in his joy as he simply babbled to me and had my utmost attention. The sweetness was in the gummy bears, as much as it was in the fact that He has the amazing ability to turn a moment into a memory with a glance. It was sweet, indeed.

The bitterness lay underneath all of this glorious happiness in my worries and my subconscious. Are our moments numbered by mere weeks until there is another baby? How could this come to an end when these moments just became a reality? How will I balance it all, how will He know that he is so deeply loved and adored? How do I love another the way that I love Him? While I realize that these things just tend to work themselves out, and that there will still be moments to come, and that I will have the capacity to love even more than I already do- I can't help but let part of me mourn... simply mourn the fact that I have not taken more moments to stop life, to just slow down, and to truly enjoy every tiny piece of this child that bears witness of everything that is important and everything that is worth living for.

I am determined to let there be more moments. Isn't there a saying that goes something like, life is just a bunch of moments... some wall hanging or pillow that told me this secret long ago? Why didn't I pay more attention to that little pillow? I am thankful for every moment that I share with the ones that I love. Especially the ones I share with my boys. Each and every time I am with them I feel the sheer joy of my life- and I am thankful for those moments that make life truly sweet.

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Yet more sweet moments- Lately he loves to climb up in his chair and just sit with his bear- I often find him like this. It makes him feel like such a big boy to accomplish that all by himself... he sure is turning into Mr. Independant!

11 Comments:

Blogger Sarah said...

oh sweetness, he is so dang cute. i appreciate your thoughts, Kris. What a good mom you are. And I know you will be a super mother of two.

11:01 PM  
Blogger brittany said...

We do not remember days, we remember moments.


I know exactly what you mean here. I've felt these emotions and this almost made me cry. You're so sweet. I don't know how it happens, but when the next one comes, your love quota is expanded. Somehow you feel just as much loyalty and love for #2. But those moments of alone time really are rare...

oh, man, little K really is getting big! give him a squeeze from auntie britt with lots of kisses, kay?

6:11 AM  
Blogger emma jo said...

Beautifully written. And you are right, things do work themselves out . And what Brittany said is true too. Somehow there is just more for everyone. And now that there are more of them, those quiet one on one times seem even more special than before. We love taking them on "Mommy or Daddy dates". It will be great fun!!

6:27 AM  
Blogger Anne Lee said...

You just about made this ole preggo cry!! I have some of the same worries at times, but with this being number one, I worry that I won't be able to have the same "moments" with Jason I treasure so. I know that it's just going to be more work, but if parenthood is as wonderful as they say, I know it will be worth it. Thanks for sharing this with us!

9:24 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

Krista- Hey there, it's Mel here from your old Danville life. I really am touched by what you said- I just had another baby and am trying to figure out how to soak in as much love as possible from two human beings now instead of one...it takes more energy but is pretty amazing. I love you tons and hopefully our paths will cross one of these days! P.S. You are a great writer.

10:20 AM  
Blogger Rocky & Krystal said...

Ok, he is such a little man in that picture. He looks so mature!!! what! not yet!!! my little one is growing up so fast :( so.. when did he start doing this?? i was just there!
Oh and I put that picture up because I thought your Hub looked good, also the others, and my hub looked HOT to me too. I was like Boww chicka wow wowwww!!!

10:34 PM  
Blogger Rocky & Krystal said...

by the way, im sorry I had to get off the phone with you all of the sudden today. we were at the MTC with Bema and gramps, saying goodbye, and went to dinner with Jeff, spencer, ashley, doug and september. I called you after but you didnt answer, But sorry about that. i just cut you off there. I want to finish our conversation about our shoes. and I did not get them yet. but yeah, im wondering about them too. maybe i'll hold onto them and you can see mine, and i can see your when your in CA, or AZ.

10:38 PM  
Blogger Abby said...

A mommy-son date is one of my very favorite things! But here's my perspective (wishing #2 could have come by now). I look at my boy and want to cry bc he's lonely with just me! He needs to be with other kids, with siblings! I worry he's becoming spoiled, and I worry he will be weird from being an only child for so long...and I truly believe your love with just double and none of K's "reserve" will be taken away! You are sweet and consciencious and a great mommy! I hope that more than overwhelming monents to come, there are lots of quiet "stopping" ones. Take it easy, and enjoy those sweet boys!

11:45 AM  
Blogger tan & ave said...

I hear you all too well!!!

2:52 PM  
Blogger Tanner and Alli Judd said...

he keeps getting cuter and cuter. i love hearing about you and your boys! when is the due date for the next? any names? how about edward... haha. i miss you krista! we need to get together again.

4:48 PM  
Blogger Nik said...

This is exactly how I felt before I had my #2 (3 yrs ago). I mourned the loss of my one-on-one time with my oldest for MONTHS and months after my 2nd was born--I think it made my baby blues A LOT bluer. There came a point when I just adjusted to the new normal. Your blog really reminds me of those sad feelings.
If your sitch is like mine, your little man will probably be benefitted to see that the world doesn't completely revolve around him. Not easy, though. Hang in there, it will get better.

9:04 PM  

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